Awal Tahun
Hujung Tahun
Adios
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Tahun ni sumpah penat gilaaa
Penat sangat
Penat
Eh penatlah
Bapak ah penat weh
Penat seh
Penah siot
Penat amat
Kepenatan
Tenat
Eh
Dari awal tahun ada budak baru yang dah 4-5 bulan kerja tetiba hilang entah ke mana tak masuk kerja
Lepas tu Emak menghidapi CKD stage 5. Kidney failure. And start dialisis
I go back and forth, ulang alik Muar-JB every weekend, take care some things, learn some new process dengan government, hospital, KPJ Muar, Baitul Mal semualah
Tak dan nak cerita the proses kat sini sebab panjaaaaaang sangat. Begitulah
You know, no matter how penat, how sad, how sorrowful, how hurt, how pointless and meaningless everything is - I always thought there is always and always orang yang lagi susah dari I. Yang lagi hebat ujiannya tapi masih mampu menyantuni Tuhannya dengan sebaiknya
With all the things that happened, I'm not taking things in a good way. Some full of hatred and jealousy, some fulls or regrets, some is resentment
Ingat azam tahun ni nak belajar menjadi hamba Tuhan yang bersyukur, tapi ... not sure since when I start to see that my glass is half empty, to see negative in everything ... I lost the trust of how I used to perceive the world, that everything is gonna be okay, that no matter hard I fall that it's okay , that I can overcome this , that kind of optimism that I lost, somewhere ...
One important thing that I learn this year is , bak kata pepatah TMJ,
"Haters gonna hate"
And its true. Because I'm the haters. And I'm the hate.
I just miss how innocently I see the world
Missing that I have the ability to shut people out
Missing that I don't even damn care what people think about me
I don't belong here
And I'm tired of faking things
I wish ...
You know what, I don't wanna wish anything especially when I learn that I pray and put effort for something that is actually never meant to be
I dunno what is Allah is plan for me
Or punish me
Just don't take away my hope ... that I can be successful and much better than this ... that He is still listening to me ... that He is not abandone me despite of my worst ibadah this year =(
Sebab tu lah orang cakap, orang miskin ni susah nak bersyukur. Bukan miskin sebab miskin duit, tapi miskin rahmat dan keberkatan
I think Im kind of different person now
Dunno what ... just feel different
Ok lah, ada lagi banyak benda nak complain tapi dah ngantuk nak tidur bai
